The Hidden Side that is Me

I have always believed that there is that part in each one of us that even our parents don't know, that part only us are aware of and if you would try explaining to anyone, they wouldn't understand and they would probably think you are crazy. Humans are an interplay of two sides; the good vs the evil, the introvert vs the extrovert, the fun guy vs the not so fun guy, well am sure u get the picture. Where am i heading with this; well i have of recent realized that my ideal self is preventing my real self from having fun. i have never considered myself a fun guy, certainly not a HAHA guy am more like a hihi guy, get the difference? On the other hand a little fun in a while never hurt anyone, so i occasionally  go out to club to relax my nerves with a cold beer. The problem is i recently don't even find any fun in doing that....ever seen an uptight guy in a club? i thought beer was supposed remove all the inhibitions, u know, throw all caution to the wind and allow oneself to add some life to this life. am therefore left wondering whether am in a rut, or does midlife crises happen in once twenty's? i have always been the guy who keeps a level  head, never gets angry, calculative but of late i feel the need to look for a teenage hood that i never had, when you are a first born sometimes u miss your teenage years, just get out there and do the stupid stuff that teenagers do, drink myself silly, act the jerk without a care and definitely be more outgoing.....but again i feel like my nature wont just allow me....but such is life. this is what i exactly feel

And then i think afresh about my life, love, hate, joy and lust.

When i think i've loved, i find i've haboured lust. Sacrifising the one that love me, to folow criptic gamble loves.

When i think i hate, i find a newer trust. When i feel devine and safe, an old heart cries and die.

When i want the whole of earth, i loose it for a simple heart. When i learn to stand alone, i get a helping hand.

I cling to photos of the past, and make my future dull. Tatter shrades of golden times i keep in albums of my heart.

What if i make another golden past to think about tomorow today? What if i kill the roots and plant the seeds afresh?

When i think i'm joyful, i find a cause to cry. When i think it still goes on, i'm tangled by its end.


  Poem via Augustus W. Landing.

Human Greed

I think it is Mahatma Gandhi who said that there is enough in the world for human need but not for human greed, but most of us tend not to heed this wise words, since the general outlook is that u cannot get rich through clean hustle and one has to find a way to beat the system.... that's why you always hear even pastors, ministers ( individuals who have been given authority to protect public interest) being involved in corruption and other fishy deals. So we are always looking for a side hustle and if the hustle can bring in easy money, then that's our joy, forgetting that nothing comes easy and if the deal is too good u better think twice. what am i getting at? this  guys came to me and told me how they were conned about a 100k by a guy who claims that " anaeza osha pesa"  u know that  thing where u make illegal notes, the only constraint being he had the papers but no capital to buy the chemicals used....well, we all want to get rich quickly, so the guys jumped on the deal and decided to fund  it, they were even given " washed samples" just to hook them,....to cut a long story short, they and their monies were divorced and now they are baying for blood, the only drawback is that the miracle worker has gone MIA. This  reminds me of another friend of mine who was approached by a guy...said he was a pastor...who proceeded to give her an account of her life story..mostly skewed on the bad occurrences, the guy even claimed that  there was a note amongst her monies that had been bewitched and proceeded to ask her for all the monies in her M-PESA and Bank Account so that He could pray for the money, i don't know which kind of drug they had used on her since she complied, and u can as well figure out the next episode, she kissed all her money goodbye that day. i don't know whether humans are just gullible or it is just the  greed in us, how do u give a guy all your life savings so that he can pray for them? Kenyans need to think twice before jumping into shady deals, otherwise the " i got conned stories" shall never cease. Feel free to share your experience here and have a Con free weekend, wont you?

This So Called Friends

i know you have all suffered at one time or the other at the hands of your so called friends. yeah that's right, the guys you do the cool things with, the not so cool things, stupid things even. now am an adamant believer in friendship or i used to be, u read right, various incidences have made me loose faith in friends. i used to think that friendship unlike today's marriage is for forever, more so when you've known a guy for 20+ years, well i was dead wrong. i know people change but the rate at which am blacklisting my friends is alarming, am even worried i may have no friends in the near future. you must be wondering what am getting at, well i wont keep you waiting, Have you ever loaned money to your friends??? i can almost hear you cursing and so i know we are in the same boat, right? Friends and Money...huh. now if you did and they actually paid you back, keep them close, if otherwise, who am i to tell you what you what to do, after all it was your money, in my case, but feel free to kick their butts, coz thats what i'd do and am doing. if you are yet to loan them cash, piece of free advice PLEASE DONT. i have come to learn that albeit in the hard way, friendship and money dont mix, not loans, gifts maybe. if you are wondering what insipired this, well of late i loaned one of my so called buddies a cool several Gs, now am not Redcross or something but there is this part of me  that wants to be true to my friends, u know the so called in times of want and in times of plenty. take note "Buddy" not even friend, i'd like to believe that buddy denotes even a more close relationship, u know, the guys who have seen you grow, the guys you tell your dreams, your aspirations, the guys whose flaws you readily overlook. well you get the picture, only i should have done like a preliminary or pilot test, the kind done by researchers to test the reliability of their research instrument.....maybe i should have loaned the guy some insignificant amount just to check his trustability( forgive the english, the fact that i used to school in a government primary school coupled with the fact that i used to sit near the window which was just across the teachers kitchen whose delicious scents made sure that most of my attention was paid to the rumbling in my stomach especially whenever i'd imaging the tasty dishes that were being prepared and remember that my dish box was full of "githeri", anyway i digress)...where were we?...oh, so i handed the guy my few cool Gs and he made numerous vows to pay them back as soon as he got back on his feet, well its been months now and we've been arguing to the point of falling out. i mean if i knew he'd act like a jerk,ningeacha anichukie bila pesa yangu.Thing is the dude is working and i aint, tena i so used to trust him but i guess the Kikuyu proverb " Kiura Kiaringio rui kiugaga nikio kieringia was lost on me" ( when a frog is assisted to cross a river, it thinks it did the crossing on its own) was lost on me. The guy used to lenga my calls and sms's and i had to travel all the way to shagz just to confront him. the other day i bumbed into him in a club flashing the latest mobile phone and the son of gun had the audacity to insinuate that he is better man since he was drinking alcohol while i was sipping a soda,Seriously WTF!!!! reminds me of a storo ffrom facebook, where a lady loaned her friend a cool 30Gs,( With this kinda Sun??) and its been years and her friend hasn't paid her back. when it comes to money friends are not the only enemies, even family are some of the worst dentors, they just assume that you were doing them a favour. Piece of advice to those who thinbk loans are gifts, if u want favours use the word "give me" but should you use the word " loan me" , according to the Oxford dictionary a loan is a "sum of money that is borrowed and expected to be paid back." So if you have a loan from your friends, i got only one thing to tell you.....KUKOPA NI KULIPA, U USE U PAY!!!  maybe we should gang up and form a Debt Collecting Company and watch the sons of b***** suffer as we sell of their assets, i'd enjoy that,(just kidding, or am i? what  financial hell have you suffered in the hands of your friends??? Have a Debt free week, wont you??

LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

I  know  you are not yet born, but when you finally get here, I pray you take some time and read this…hopefully you will but if you don’t, I will understand after all its just some rumbling from an old man, and what do we, old people know?

Child,  many have come and left this world, some fulfilled, some not,  I want you to know that you make your own life…and destiny is what you make out of life, there is no predetermined path, no boundaries you cant break through, sure people will preach to you about fate and its having an upper hand over your life….but child, should anyone tell you about fate…tell them that you make your own fate…this may be hard to comprehend but child, I never said life  is easy….its hard, compared to what, I don’t know.  In fact some say that the  easiest thing in this life is death, but how do they know, nobody ever came from the dead with tales to tell. There will be hurdles, struggles, hardships that will push you to the blink…but remember child, victory is for those who see beyond the hardships, because to do the impossible you have to see the invisible. Once a  story was told, of a high jump Olympic champ, the best of the best, and many a people sought after him, and all were asking the same question, “whats your secret champ?”. His answer astonished many, a simple answer but a huge driving force, am sure by now you want to know  his secret, well child, I won’t keep you waiting, here goes, he told them, “when am about to Jump, I see myself over the bar”. Knocked you off,right? Child keeping an optimistic mind may seem a hard thing to do and well it doesn’t solve one’s problems but it gives one the courage to face whatever it is one is up against, many times I have been told that the heart scares easily and you have to trick it into believing that all is well. Child, I have lived and have seen many a people give up and fail when success was so close at hand and many would have won if they had had the  heart to hold on, persevere and give it another try…after all is it not darker when dawn is about to break. So child, I hope you learn the art of perseverance, learn not to give up, learn to stay positive and Child, learn to look above thee. When you feel that your world is spinning and things are falling  apart, remember your Heavenily father…call unto Him, one thing I have learnt is that He is always ready to listen…so Child, learn to talk to Him, let not the world and science convince you that He doesn’t exist. He does, He cares, He Loves beyond measure, He will always be there….unlike me, this may be hard to hear…but Child, the worldly forces have always found a way to separate loved ones through death, work and sometimes things don’t always work out according to plan , by now you cant understand  but you will with time. He may not perform miracles to solve your problems but He will sure clear the fog so that you may see and that believe me Child, is a good thing.

Child learn to listen. Talk less and listen more that is how it was purposed, after all we were given two ears and one the mouth. The world gives more credit to those who walk their talk, those who are for less talk but lots of actions. Actions always spoke more than words…and all the talk in the world wouldn’t help if it were not followed by actions. Many unnecessary wars would have been avoided if either of the involved parties were ready to listen. Child, learn to constraint your Ego for as much as it should serve you, it should not make you so full of yourself. Child, the soul feeds on silence and pray that you often get away from the  bustle that’s life, go to a queit  place and meditate, make peace with your Maker and also appreciate nature, talk to the sun,walk with the moon and if you can dance with the stars, youl’l have found immense happiness. 

Child, I pray you learn to love and to show it. Let the ones you love know that you do, whatever they do with the love is upon them. Remember son, live simply, love generously, speak kindly and leave the rest to God, for we walk not by sight but by Faith. Listen for others bell and they will listen for yours and learn to be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Lastly Child, I pray you have Passion for  the things you do, for where  passion exists masterpieces are found. Try new things,enjoy challenges and in the process get to know your talent, it will earn you more than all the education in the world, am not belittling education so learn as much as you can, assimilate all the knowledge you can and apply it in your life, for its of no purpose to acquire it and  fail to use it. Child, as I pen off, live wisely learning from your mistakes and failures keeping in mind that those that don’t make mistakes don’t try and trying is all that makes the difference

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Your Hopeful & Loving

Dad.

WELCOME ALL

I want to welcome you all to my world.........and i hope that this blog will catch on!!